I once was struggling the way you are. We all have struggled at some point. Likely no one truly can struggle the exact same way as another, but struggles are something we all share. As I struggled I asked God why. Why did I struggle? Why did I feel called to stop? Why is it so hard?
What I struggled with was self-injury. That will be my focus here, but if that is not what you struggle with, I would encourage you to read on anyway. I know that while much of my online healing came from sites about SI, it also helped to look at those about other problems such as eating disorders, and sexual desires, because breaking free from any struggle that has such a hold in your life is an extremely difficult endeavor and is similar in many ways to breaking free from any other struggles.
Talking to people and creating words out of my thoughts and feelings is extremely difficult for me. I finally concluded that God chose me to suffer in order to be equipped to help others. This site is the tangible extension of that and I am relying on God to give me the words to tell my story and really be able to positively influence others.
I have created many ‘invisible friends’ which are essentially pieces of myself. They help me cope by allowing my thoughts and feelings to separate. Maybe Abigail Faith gets the frustration, Kaylee Zaner gets the desire to help, and so on. When I started my struggle to break free I felt God pushing me to tell, but I was still living in shame, desiring anonymity. I created a new ‘friend,’ Hannah Arizona, who sent anonymous messages to a friend via facebook along with how to contact me. The odd thing though, is other times I had created ‘friends’ they quickly became connected to myself, but Hannah still just feels like the made-up name it is. I think this is God telling me I cannot blame my hurt on invisible entities. I believe Hannah is now available for use by other girls who struggle as I did. I think it would be amazing if a group of girls could be brought together by answering “I am” to the phrase “Who is Hannah Arizona.” For all the Hannah Arizona’s out there, I promise there really is hope.
I am noticing that I have already used multiple terms for hurting myself. It goes by many names including: SI, self-injury, SIB, self-injurious behavior, self-harm, SIV, self-inflicted violence, self-abuse, self-mutilation, parasuicide, self-damage, cutting, self-punishment, burning, DSH, and deliberate self-harm. I would not be surprised if there are other names for it, but these are the ones that I have seen.
